C h a p t e r S i x
SUSAN SLIPPED QUIETLY into the house and to her room to change into her gardening clothes. She took her journal and a pen and slipped out the back door, hoping to avoid Bren and her chatter. Her father would still be in the shop for hours. She went down through the garden between rows and down the hill behind the shop to reach the little brook. She positioned herself between two small trees, hoping to be well hidden, and there she sat for a long time, staring into the water. At last, she opened her journal and began to write. Am I crazy? What am I thinking of? That was all it took to get the words pouring onto the pages. After a time, she closed her book and drew her knees up to her chest, hugging her book, resting her chin on it. Finally, tears began to fall, and for a long time she let them chase one another down her cheeks without any interference.
When she did finally reach to wipe one away on each of her cheeks, the tears stopped. She sat there a while longer, then stood up, dusted her pants off, and walked slowly to the shop, where her father’s hammer could be heard over and over again. As she walked up to the doorway, he hit one last blow before his eyes looked up to meet hers. She stood there without sayinga word, and he froze where he was and stared at her, also with no words. Her dad looked like he had seen a ghost. He put his hammer down and let go of the board he was holding. He came over and put his arms around Susan and held her for a long time.
Finally, he broke the silence. “Susan, Honey, you don’t have to do this. You are still young. You can fall in love again. There is someone for you, you know. I don’t want you to think that the only thing you can ever do is take care of the house and me. You
can have your own life.”
“Yes, Dad, but I don’t want to fall in love again, not like I did with Jim. And, well, maybe….maybe Paul Maniford is the someone for me. He is offering me a life of my own, you know. I guess I just have a different idea of love, a different expectation than everyone else I know does.” There was silence again for some time. Dad sat down on the bench beside the door, and Susan sat beside him. He bent forward, putting his face in his hands. “Why are you sad,
Daddy? Do you not want me to marry Paul?”
“I just…It’s just not what I had dreamed of for you. You know I love you. I just wanted it to be a love match. I probably couldn’t ask for a more honorable man than Paul. It’s just…your mother and I…well. I’m not trying to keep you here forever, though, Susan. Of course, I would be sad about losing you to anyone, but…that’s not it.”
“I think I understand, Daddy. But somehow I feel this is the right thing for me. I think I knew it the first night we met Paul, even though I thought of him as much older than I. I can’t explain the way I think, Dad. But you don’t need to worry about me. I believe I will have as good a life with Paul as most women do with their husbands. I know you and Mom were so in love from the beginning. But that’s not what I’ve seen in most of my friends that married right out of high school. It doesn’t always last. Well, anyway, I just think it will be fi ne. Paul will take care of me. You won’t ever have to worry about me. I think…I think I’m going to
do this, Dad, unless you are very much against it.”
“Susan, have you thought? Have you prayed?”
“Yes. I prayed, but I think I already knew the answer before I prayed.”
“I’m not against it if it is what you want, Susan. I just hope you aren’t making a mistake in not waiting for love. I just want you to be happy, Susan.” His forehead was very wrinkled. He looked so much older than usual.
“I will be happy, Dad. I promise.” She smiled at his surprise at her answer. “All I have to do is decide to be happy, and I will be. Right?”
“Very likely you are right, since you have chosen a godly man, but Susan, it is not natural for a girl your age to know that.”
“Well, more of them would be happy if they did know it,” answered his eldest daughter. “Why don’t you come in for afternoon coffee? We haven’t done that in a long time.”
“Sure, Honey, that would be nice. You put it on, and I’ll be there in five minutes. We can just sit and rest a little while. You are probably as tired as I am.”
“I feel exhausted, as though I worked in the garden for eight hours or something,” laughed Susan, as she turned to go toward the house.
Bren was gone for supper with Janet, whose parents were gone for the evening. She called to say she’d probably just spend the night if there was no objection. As Susan held the lower part of the phone with her right hand, covering the speaker and waiting for her dad’s answer, his lips tightened. “I don’t like it, Susan. Janet is a little on the wild side.”
Susan remembered her sister saying, “Dad thinks anyone that’s
happy all the time is wild.”
“But,” Dad said, “there’s not much point in my telling her she can’t spend the night with a friend, at her age. She has to start making those decisions herself, now that she is out of school, and she will make them. Besides, Janet’s parents are good people.” He nodded. Susan gave Bren the OK and then hung up. She stood looking at her father for some time.
After supper, Susan sat and read with Daddy in the living room, though she felt inside like she should be in her room looking through her belongings, writing lists, and making plans.
Just as she rose, yawning, and announced, “I think I’ll go to bed now, Daddy,” the phone rang. She and her dad both looked at the clock on the wall above the kitchen door. It was ten o’clock. They both froze for a minute, staring at one another.
Finally, her father rose and went to the office and picked up the phone. She could hear his quiet answers. “Oh, hello. You made it home safely, then? Yes. Yes, we did. Yes, she is. Hmm. OK. Yes. Just a minute. I’ll see.” He held the receiver and stretched the cord to reach the door. Looking around the door at Susan, with his hand over the speaker, he said, “Susan, it’s Paul. He’s home. He wants to talk to you. If you’re not ready yet, I’ll tell him you are on your
way to bed and ask him to call tomorrow.”
She was wide awake now. “No, it’s OK. I…I can talk.”
SUSAN SLIPPED QUIETLY into the house and to her room to change into her gardening clothes. She took her journal and a pen and slipped out the back door, hoping to avoid Bren and her chatter. Her father would still be in the shop for hours. She went down through the garden between rows and down the hill behind the shop to reach the little brook. She positioned herself between two small trees, hoping to be well hidden, and there she sat for a long time, staring into the water. At last, she opened her journal and began to write. Am I crazy? What am I thinking of? That was all it took to get the words pouring onto the pages. After a time, she closed her book and drew her knees up to her chest, hugging her book, resting her chin on it. Finally, tears began to fall, and for a long time she let them chase one another down her cheeks without any interference.
When she did finally reach to wipe one away on each of her cheeks, the tears stopped. She sat there a while longer, then stood up, dusted her pants off, and walked slowly to the shop, where her father’s hammer could be heard over and over again. As she walked up to the doorway, he hit one last blow before his eyes looked up to meet hers. She stood there without sayinga word, and he froze where he was and stared at her, also with no words. Her dad looked like he had seen a ghost. He put his hammer down and let go of the board he was holding. He came over and put his arms around Susan and held her for a long time.
Finally, he broke the silence. “Susan, Honey, you don’t have to do this. You are still young. You can fall in love again. There is someone for you, you know. I don’t want you to think that the only thing you can ever do is take care of the house and me. You
can have your own life.”
“Yes, Dad, but I don’t want to fall in love again, not like I did with Jim. And, well, maybe….maybe Paul Maniford is the someone for me. He is offering me a life of my own, you know. I guess I just have a different idea of love, a different expectation than everyone else I know does.” There was silence again for some time. Dad sat down on the bench beside the door, and Susan sat beside him. He bent forward, putting his face in his hands. “Why are you sad,
Daddy? Do you not want me to marry Paul?”
“I just…It’s just not what I had dreamed of for you. You know I love you. I just wanted it to be a love match. I probably couldn’t ask for a more honorable man than Paul. It’s just…your mother and I…well. I’m not trying to keep you here forever, though, Susan. Of course, I would be sad about losing you to anyone, but…that’s not it.”
“I think I understand, Daddy. But somehow I feel this is the right thing for me. I think I knew it the first night we met Paul, even though I thought of him as much older than I. I can’t explain the way I think, Dad. But you don’t need to worry about me. I believe I will have as good a life with Paul as most women do with their husbands. I know you and Mom were so in love from the beginning. But that’s not what I’ve seen in most of my friends that married right out of high school. It doesn’t always last. Well, anyway, I just think it will be fi ne. Paul will take care of me. You won’t ever have to worry about me. I think…I think I’m going to
do this, Dad, unless you are very much against it.”
“Susan, have you thought? Have you prayed?”
“Yes. I prayed, but I think I already knew the answer before I prayed.”
“I’m not against it if it is what you want, Susan. I just hope you aren’t making a mistake in not waiting for love. I just want you to be happy, Susan.” His forehead was very wrinkled. He looked so much older than usual.
“I will be happy, Dad. I promise.” She smiled at his surprise at her answer. “All I have to do is decide to be happy, and I will be. Right?”
“Very likely you are right, since you have chosen a godly man, but Susan, it is not natural for a girl your age to know that.”
“Well, more of them would be happy if they did know it,” answered his eldest daughter. “Why don’t you come in for afternoon coffee? We haven’t done that in a long time.”
“Sure, Honey, that would be nice. You put it on, and I’ll be there in five minutes. We can just sit and rest a little while. You are probably as tired as I am.”
“I feel exhausted, as though I worked in the garden for eight hours or something,” laughed Susan, as she turned to go toward the house.
Bren was gone for supper with Janet, whose parents were gone for the evening. She called to say she’d probably just spend the night if there was no objection. As Susan held the lower part of the phone with her right hand, covering the speaker and waiting for her dad’s answer, his lips tightened. “I don’t like it, Susan. Janet is a little on the wild side.”
Susan remembered her sister saying, “Dad thinks anyone that’s
happy all the time is wild.”
“But,” Dad said, “there’s not much point in my telling her she can’t spend the night with a friend, at her age. She has to start making those decisions herself, now that she is out of school, and she will make them. Besides, Janet’s parents are good people.” He nodded. Susan gave Bren the OK and then hung up. She stood looking at her father for some time.
After supper, Susan sat and read with Daddy in the living room, though she felt inside like she should be in her room looking through her belongings, writing lists, and making plans.
Just as she rose, yawning, and announced, “I think I’ll go to bed now, Daddy,” the phone rang. She and her dad both looked at the clock on the wall above the kitchen door. It was ten o’clock. They both froze for a minute, staring at one another.
Finally, her father rose and went to the office and picked up the phone. She could hear his quiet answers. “Oh, hello. You made it home safely, then? Yes. Yes, we did. Yes, she is. Hmm. OK. Yes. Just a minute. I’ll see.” He held the receiver and stretched the cord to reach the door. Looking around the door at Susan, with his hand over the speaker, he said, “Susan, it’s Paul. He’s home. He wants to talk to you. If you’re not ready yet, I’ll tell him you are on your
way to bed and ask him to call tomorrow.”
She was wide awake now. “No, it’s OK. I…I can talk.”